Falling for your friend is all too easy; it’s one of the greatest romantic tropes for a reason. One day you’re telling your friend about the cute person you saw in the supermarket, and the next day your friend is the person you can’t get out of your head. It might feel a bit awkward or strange to have these feelings at first, but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong to have.

 

“If you notice that your feelings for your friend have gone from ‘I like this person’ to ‘I really like this person,’ it can be a little confusing. However, it makes sense that spending a lot of time around someone you like and admire may lead to some romantic feelings,” Kristal DeSantis, CCTP, CSTIP, a licensed marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, and author of STRONG: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man.

But the question is, what do you want to do about it? It’s a tricky decision that requires thought and introspection. There is no right or wrong answer for how to proceed, only what you determine is best for you and your friendships with this person at the moment. Here’s are some things to consider when you’ve caught feelings for your friend.

Identify Your True Feelings
Sometimes a crush is just a passing spark and other times it blooms into something bigger and more special. It’s critical to know if this is a quick blip of emotion or if it has the potential to grow stronger.

Think: Did you just get out of a breakup and are confusing the comfort of platonic love for a replacement for the connection you’ve lost? Do you like their company the same as any friend, or do you imagine being more intimate with them? Take your time to answer these questions and see how your feelings develop (or fade out).

There are many signs that you are looking at a friend as something more, according to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City. If you experience the following, you likely have romantic feelings for your friend:

Experience jealousy when they talk about their dating life
Want to spend a significant amount of time with them and experience particular events together—more so than with other friends
Regularly check their social media
Compare people you’re dating to them
Feel the need to check in with them regularly
Often share important parts of your day
Are more concerned with your appearance around them
But so what if you’re merely attracted to them? Is it just that, or something deeper? DeSantis recommends asking yourself if this is someone you want to be romantically involved with or if your attraction is strictly physical. “Neither is right or wrong, but it’s important to know how you feel and what you would hope for if the relationship were to change from friends to something more before talking to your friend about it,” she says.